Detailed studies revealed that there is an average age gap of 2-5 yrs between most couples aged 19-29. While younger couples aged 14-18 are found to have generally small or no disparity, it occurs with 85% probability that couples aged 19-29 have an age disparity of approximately 2-5 yrs, and 12% with an age disparity of 6 yrs or more. The main reason for this disparity is diagnosed by SAMedia as NATIONAL SERVICE (NS), which many GUYS agree unanimously that it is a complete waste of time. SAMedia discovers that becos of NS, GIRLS are given an unfair 3-year headstart and hence get their degrees earlier, enter the workforce earlier, makes $ earlier and gains promotions earlier. GIRLS are also not subjected to a 3yr disruption in studies which GUYS have to endure through and a number of GUYS whom SAMedia interviewed expressed implicitly that they are having difficulty catching up after this long period of disruption. The auxiliary reasons for the age disparity is the level of maturity between the two sexes in question. Ms Kinky Ong of the Hanky Panky Society (HPS) explains that "because GIRLS reach puberty first, hence their level of maturity is higher than GUYS. This equates to a GIRL having to find a GUY 2-5yrs older than her so as to compensate for this maturity disparity." While her explanation is widely disputed by most GUYS, the fact remains that the age gap in 85% of the couples is indeed 2-5yrs and the younger person is almost exclusively the GIRL. Her theory is also supported by nature-lovers, citing evidence that GUYS reach menopause way after the GIRL so it is only right that the GUY should be older. However, the Break-Up Research Team (BURT) pointed out to SAMedia that on top of being more mature, older GUYS are generally financially independent and do not act as desperate as their younger counterparts. This could explain the fallacies regarding GIRLS having the tendency to be more choosy and realistic (read: materialistic). "The situation is quite bad," Professor Lam Pah Chee of the BURT said. "Every guy that the GIRL ever comes across in the NUS/NTU in her uni life is older than her. Even in her final year, the age of the freshMEN that year will at least be on par." Prof Lam also noted that as ORD-personnel make their first step into NUS/NTU, the first group of GIRLS they befriend will be at least 2 years younger, but this time depending largely on the age of the GUY. Because of this age disparity and the effects of it, some GUYS are recommending that GIRLS too must serve NS. This group of GUYS, who did not wished to be named, have created a proposal for the idea but do not know where to send it to. SAMedia shall do them this favour and publish the details of their proposal, summarised, here:

1. ALL GIRLS upon reaching the age of 18 should serve National Service, so as to instil a sense of loyalty and patriotism within them (so that they'll not run away with some angmoh).

2. GIRLS serving NS will be known as, and hereinafter referred to as NSf(s) (National Service, females)

3. ALL NSFs and NSfs are required to serve 2 years liability, or 2½ yrs if they have up to tertiary education. A 2mth reduction in liability will be extended to NSfs who obtain at least a silver in their NAPFA. However, this is applicable only for those NSfs undergoing the REGULAR program. (see below)

4. NSfs will be given a choice to contribute to the nation through the FEMALE program, which is specially tailored for them, or via the REGULAR program ie. same as guys. (this option was provided in case some feminist organisations protest that they've been discriminated as the "weaker" sex).

5. Once the program is selected, it cannot be changed.

6. For NSfs who choose the REGULAR program, they'll be put through the same grueling training that GUYS as NSF will be put through. There'll be no exemptions made, except that the NSfs and NSFs may not bathe or sleep together. Their NS will be similar to the ones that GUYS will go through. (so as to be fair to NSFs)

7. However, for physically weaker GIRLS who might not be able to tahan the REGULAR training, they may opt for the FEMALE way of contributing to the nation. This option is recommended for all GIRLS as the SAF has enough GUYS contributing absolutely nothing.

8. The FEMALE program involves having to learn housework and childcare and the objective is to train NSfs to be fully competent in these life-skills by the time they ORD. (so that we'll rely less on foreign talent for our household chores)

9. NSfs undergoing the FEMALE program will also be required to procreate (otherwise they'll not be allowed to ORD). They must make at least 1 x baby in 2 yrs. This is in line with the CHENG WOO's policy of getting SINGAPOREANS to procreate so that we can all tackle the declining birthrate.

10. NSfs who make more than 1 x baby will be entitled to countless housing benefits and tax rebates and all kinds of goodies the CHENG WOO can offer in the future.

11. The care of the newborn SINGAPOREAN will be entrusted to parents, so the GIRLS will be freed to carry on learning other life-skills (after their 2 mths of maternity leave).

In this way, the group argued that, it will be extremely beneficial to the nation. GIRLS will no longer have the unfair 3-yr headstart, and must also contribute their share as citizens to the nation. In addition, when both GIRLS and GUYS are contributing at the same time, external threats from ORD-personnel are removed entirely and useful resources are not wasted. If this is implemented, SINGAPORE will be lifted on its reliance on foreign domestic talent, and is an immediate solution to the ever-declining birthrate. The by-product of this proposal: Sarong-Party GIRLS (SPGs) are also inevitably eliminated. "It's a great kill," remarked Mr. X, team leader of the group who did not wish to be named. "They'll ORD together, then they can further their studies together, and they'll be doing everything together! Isn't that good?" Mr X responded. If this is really implemented, SAMedia believes that GUYS would not have to resort to fooling around with xiao-meimei(s) anymore, whose level of maturity is said to be on par with theirs. SAMedia has no comments on this proposal. WE ARE ONLY DOING THEM A FAVOUR BY PUBLISHING THIS COS NO ONE WANTS TO.


--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 210504

If u thought Rachel Lee being selected as model for Mediacock's copycat show 'Eye for a guy' was the most mysterious thing that has ever happened on earth, then think again. Someone alerted SAMedia to an article written somewhere online (go find yourself) about the mysterious thing called LOVE. Unable to verify its authenticity or its source, SAMedia could not confirm whether that article was original or copied or cooked up, but it looks original enough to be cooked up.

However, apart from that, some facts "appear to be twisted beyond recognition" as quoted from Dr. Lam Pah Chee of the BURT (Break-Up Research Team). He explains that LOVE has been personified in the article and that it held full unrestricted rights of the freedom of choice and exercised them ruthlessly. "In reality, if someone had full rights in respect to the freedom of choice, then that person is very powderful. Our dearest BIG BROTHER is a good example," lamented Dr Lam, while describing LOVE in detail. With such power, LOVE could make or break any person it deemed necessary. SAMedia also understands from him that not only so, LOVE is a very powerful force that can do miraculous things such as getting 2 nations to war (Troy). "It is in fact, the most powderful force that mankind ever came across," says Associate Professor Jiu Shi Ai, Senior Researcher of SamLabs. "It is more powderful than all the nukes in the world and all the different strains of SARS and bird flu combined."

Prof Jiu also states that LOVE can get pple to do stupid things like going crazy, high, blank, cause pain, sorrow, hurt, create happiness, hatred, comfort, cost money, time, blah blah blah. Relative to the article, SAMedia discovers that LOVE isnt as innocent or harmless as it was discussed to be. In fact, there are many things about LOVE that remains unknown. "LOVE can be bought," declares Prof Jiu. "If u have enough money, you definitely can buy LOVE." He said this to refute claims that "MONEY is not everything", but conceded that are indeed certain things that LOVE can do that MONEY cant, such as getting 2 nations to WAR. His colleague-in-arms, Director W W WEE of the Psychic ENdurance Institute for Singapore (PENIS) is responsible for coining up the phrase "ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR", which has been adapted and widely endorsed by SAMedia Publications. "If u LOVE someone, u should go all out to get him/her!" Mr Buay Pai Seh indicated, adding also that "neh-mind if he/she is attached, all is fair in LOVE and WAR wat, rite! as long as not married ok liao, even if married still can divorce one mah!"

Unfortunately, the buck doesnt just stop here. CEO of the SamHub Banking Corporation (SHBC) Mr Leu Mas Chan reveals to SAMedia that LOVE is also being, or rather, has already been commercialised. "You see, i'd say almost all the songs u hear on radio now is about LOVE. There even is a station called LOVE 97.2FM." Mr Leu describes. "Not only so, many TV serials is also about LOVE. The concept of LOVE sells very well, if u havent realised." He pointed out that the market created by manipulating LOVE is "very huge", and is something that is not really tapped into. "If u bothered to look into it, both kids and adults who are in LOVE spend alot on their partners, and it keeps the economy going." Mr Leu said, while quoting SAMedia a very good example. "Valentine's Day is one day where the economy is motivated by LOVE," Mr Leu indicated. SHBC is currently offering counselling loans at only 2.69% p.a. for kids who fell out of love and require counselling.

It might be a plain coincidence, but it seems that many age-old adages of LOVE are taking on new meanings to suit present contexts. This explains that if u find urself in LOVE with someone who doesnt feel the same, well, its only right becos LOVE IS BLIND. That's why it never manage to locate the correct person. Maybe just like how Christ Jesus gave His disciples His commandment "Love one another just as I have Loved you" (John 15:12), we should all start LOVING each other unconditionally and the world will be a better place. Or we could wait for TIME to heal everything. NOTE: TIME MAY BE A GOOD HEALER BUT IT IS A LOUSY BEAUTICIAN.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 130504

After 5 days of deliberating, SAMedia received enough generous feedback, though many annoymous, and can disprove another one of Mr Farelercies De Expoze's claims. Together with approximately 50,000 other GIRLS, SAMedia hereby declares that MOST GIRLS ARE SATISFIED WITH THEIR BOOB SIZE. When interviewed, Ms Y, speaking on condition of annoymity, told SAMedia that "many GIRLS are perfectly fine with how well they're endowed." Ms Y revealed that although she lacks the punch in size, they're made up for when she does her 2.4km run. "I literally have nothing dragging me down," she claimed. Another Ms Z (who also did not wish to be named) told SAMedia that she has no intention of having a boob job. "For wat?" she retorted. "They're not for commercial use anyway!" Apparently boob-job surgeons havent realised their trade was dying. "We cant choose also mah, if it's like that it's like that, I still like my boobs all natural." conceded Ms A, also speaking on condition of annoymity. It seems like GIRLS are embarassed to talk about their endowments, as all of those interviewed refused to provide real names. At this rate, SAMedia will run out of alphabets to use soon.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 080504

Trusted sauces have tipped SAMedia off to someone who could refute point number one in Mr Farelercies De Expoze's "THE FALLACIES ABOUT THE TRUTH ABOUT GIRLS". The GIRL-in-question, who did not wish to be named, told SAMedia in a closed door interview that she "hasnt been crying for at least the past 3 yrs." The GIRL-in-question (we'll just name her as a Ms X for convenience) told SAMedia that she cannot remember when was the last time she shed tears. "Cant remember liao lah, that time take results i never cry leh.." said Ms X, a 2nd-yr student desperately mugging in NUS. Sources revealed to SAMedia that Ms X is a rare exception, as GIRLS usually cry when they receive their exam results. As quoted from Mr Gia Lee Sout, a senior teacher at Lan Chiau High School, who also has teaching experience in various JC and UNIs: "Usually when the GIRLS get their results, they will cry. Lousy results cry. Good results also cry. Mediocre results still cry. Only a few of those bochup girls dun cry lah..." So does this mean that Ms X is bochup? Mr Gia defended himself by adding that "And not forgetting that there are those who only go home then cry their souls out." Well done, Mr Gia. While SAMedia is not adopting any stand at this point, our doors will remain open to criticism and we welcome any GIRL to provide feedback as well as personal experience. Your identity will be kept secret in accordance to your preference, just like Ms X.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 050504

In response to the bulletin posted by Shihui on 3rd May 2004 at 1245hrs (frenster time) titled "THE TRUTH ABOUT GIRLS.. TO GUYS~....", SAMedia discovered a group of GUYS who had, in just 2 hours, gathered sufficient material to release its own bulletin titled "THE FALLACIES ABOUT THE TRUTH ABOUT GIRLS" (see below). The group, comprising mainly of shitjob labourers (read: NSF) and post ORD-personnel serving time in NUS/NTU, said in their words that they compiled the bulletin in order to "identify the fallacies and correct the facts so that other GUYS will not be misled". The 2-page article, written with a selection of carefully crafted and politically correct words, is the brainchild of a Mr Farelercies De Expoze, director of the nameless group. However, he declined interview, but agreed to let SAMedia publish excerpts of the masterpiece. The following excerpt is copyright of and exclusive to Mr Farelercies De Expoze and do not in any way reflect the views of SAMedia Publications:


EXCERPTS OF "THE FALLACIES ABOUT THE TRUTH ABOUT GIRLS"

1. If a GIRL says she is sad and she is crying, she is really sad. However, if she says she is sad but isn't crying, then she either is very stressed up about recent events or she just simply miss her GUY. Real sadness and crying always come together.

2. If a GIRL ignores u becos u did something wrong, then ur fucked. Either u apologise immediately and fuck off or u just fuck off. GIRLS dont remember much about what happened just now unless u remind them.

3. If a GIRL finds it very hard to get over a guy after a relationship is over, it most probably is becos she has given something(s) very precious to him and cannot get it back. They cant find anything to hate about the GUY becos its not the GUY's fault anyway.

4. If a GIRL has the GUY she loves on his mind every minute of the day, thats becos she listens to the song "Always on my mind" too much liao. Get her to listen to "SHE BANGS" more often.

5. When u smile at her and stare deep into her eyes, be prepared to either get a slap, be asked the question "why u look at me until like that? u cock-eye ah?" or get into action in bed.

6. A GIRL likes to hear compliments. That's true. Just lie your way thru and dont tell her she's fat.

7. If the GIRL ur flirting with starts to like u, its time to change GIRL.

8. If u don't like a GIRL who likes u, tell her straight in the face. It's better than beating around the bush or hinting everywhere and she still doesnt get a clue. Yes she may get hurt, but fuck, she ultimately will get hurt either way. Nobody ordered her to like u.

9. If she starts avoiding u after u reject her, let it be cos u dont like her anyway. If she wants u as a friend, she'll come back to look for u.

10. GIRLS enjoy talking about wat they feel. If u dont suscribe to all day free incoming calls on your hp, good luck.

11. Never tell a GIRL she is useless in anyway unless u want to get slapped on the spot and be called a loser by every GIRL she knows for ever and ever, AMEN.

12. Be serious. Be too serious. Otherwise she'll think that ur not serious with her.

13. A smile means a lot to a GIRL. Smiling too much loses its meaning.

14. If u like a GIRL, get ready lots of cash. They'll definitely come in handy.

15. Don't try to guess a GIRL's feelings. Even Albert Einstein failed at that. And don't bother asking her. She wont tell u the truth unless ur a GIRL.

16. If u say "I Love u" to a GIRL, well... we're not responsible for wat happens after that.

17. If a GIRL falls in love with u, u'll definitely know. The whole world will know.

18. If u need tips on how to flirt with a GIRL, reading romance novels will not help. ROMANCE STORIES ARE MAINLY FICITON. start with a young innocent GIRL and work ur way up. Practice makes perfect.

19. When class pictures come out, the GIRL will always say "EEEeee, i look so ugly in it!!"

20. A GIRL's ex-crush is only stored on RAM. If it is stored on her hard disk, then u shd be extra careful.

21. GIRLS love having fun! oh well, we never said they dont.

22. A simple 'Hi' can brighten up a GIRL's day. But not when ur only conversations with her start with a 'Hi' and ends with a 'BYE' in 10 seconds.

23. A GIRL's best frens usually know best what she is feeling and going thru. They're a GOOD source of information about her! But be wary not to tap into this resource too deep and too often. u might unintentionally pick up a PRAWN for no reason.

24. GIRLS hate it when a GUY pays attention to them just to get close to their prettier fren. Then do it the FISH-PRAWN method!

25. Love means no other GIRLS , all your time and all MY freedom to a GIRL, in that order.

26. Some GIRLS care about looks, some care about brains, but all are unsatisified with their weight and boob size.

27. If u have already done something irreversible with her or made her pregnant, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN..


This excerpt is courtesy of Mr Farelercies De Expoze and his team.



----extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 030504