The latest trend that was observed by SAMedia among many GIRLS is THE desire to be a princess. This trend was first believed to have started from the Fairy Godmother when she had Cinderella put on THE pair of glass shoes for the King's banquet. The result? Cinderella became a princess. Now, in today's fucked up society, SAMedia is witnessing hundreds of GIRLS wanting to be a princess, however largely unsuccessful. It seems that none of them ever realised and none will realise that there was just but ONE Cinderella and thus there will be just but ONE princess only.

Senior Researcher Wan Shui Ye of SamLabs Technologies (ST) told SAMedia over a telephone interview that nowadays more and more GIRLS are seeking to be a princess. "They're treating it as though it's an occupation," said Mr Wan, whose has 20 years of experience to his credit and his expertise in this field remains virtually unchallenged. "This is clearly evident in many of the GIRLS' friendster profiles," added Mr Wan. He showed SAMedia several examples that includes "princess kinky", "princess-wannabe", "princess to be", "princess-in-the-making", "princess diaries", "how-to-become-a-princess", "the complete idiots guide to being a princess", etc. The list is exhaustive.

Since there can only be ONE princess, many GIRLS circumvent this limitation by forcing their GUYS to treat them like princesses. Interestingly, Mr Wan pointed out to SAMedia that since traditionally princesses were royalty, having a princess as your GIRL would incidentally reflect that u are either a prince, a servant (read: SLAVE), or a eunuch, since they are traditionally the only people surrounding a princess. "In today's context," Mr Wan continued, "princes are non-existent, so are eunuchs, hence, having a GIRL as your princess would mean that u are her servant (read: SLAVE)."

Fantasies aside, Mr Wan did indicate that there are GIRLS who have risen above the en masse and have indeed attained the princessy status. One of them, according to him, is Jolin Tsai. "Jolin can be accredited a princess because she has proven to be one," commented Mr Wan. "She has what it takes to be one."

The REAL Princess: Jolin Tsai is crowned Princess after the successful release of her 5th album "MAGIC 72"

Not too surprisingly, SamLabs Technologies came under fierce attack from the GIPAS (Girl Is Princess Association of Singapore) for endorsing the statement "GIRLS are dreaming wildly when they imagine themselves to be a princess". Ms Kio Wah Ong, Secretary-General of the GIPAS said in a press statement that there is absolutely nothing wrong with GIRLS trying to live this dream or make it reality. Said Ms Ong, "It is natural for GIRLS to seek the best from their boyfriends. Why should we demand anything less than what we deserve?"

This statement from GIPAS led SAMedia to a shocking fact that most GUYS happily oblige to their GIRLS when they're demanded to treat their GIRLS like a princess. When interviewed, Mr Chin Pai Mia, 20, told SAMedia that he feels compelled to give in to his GIRL. "If I don't treat her like princess, later she don't want to give, then how? I don't have enough money to go Geylang u know?!" When asked why he has no money, Mr Chin replied, "all spend on her liao, no more already..." Mr Ming Zhen Ku, 22, said, "No choice lah, she like it this way then i suit her loh.. what to do? GUY must always give in to the GIRL mah, like that then call genter-man rite?"

Apparently, many GUYS have realised that when GIRLS demand to be treated like a princess, there is a huge financial burden that subtly tags along. Having the desire to satisfy your GIRL materially could be equated to having the desire to bleed yourself dry financially. Even the GIRLS have realised that too. Princess Kinky, a 19-yr old GIRL who did not want to use her real name, revealed to SAMedia that she's having difficulty trying to hook on rich GUYS now. "No choice lah, the economy so terrible, even eggs are more widely available than rich GUYS." She has since turned to rich ah-peks.

Or perhaps, more likely is the reason that GIRLS are now more materialistic than ever before. Sadly, many have not understood what it really takes to be a REAL princess. Like how Dr Wang Ah Ma of the Break-Up Research Team (BURT) puts it perfectly, "Throughout history, real princesses have hard lives. They suffer lots of hardships, experience tons of loneliness, and often have no one to turn to." He cites many examples, of those including Queen Mary I, before her ascension to throne, of Marie Antoinette, and of the immortalised Princess Diana. "Even Cinderella had to slave for her stepmother and sisters before she became a princess. Did those GIRLS really think it was so easy to be a princess?"

"Ultimately, it's the GUYS who suffer," says Mr Wan. "They get pushed around, mistreated, and are financially abused. It wouldn't mattered much with rich ah-sias, but still, these GIRLS are bloodsuckers in disguise." SAMedia is still trying to find out why no GUY is demanding to be treated like a PRINCE, or why no GIRL is satisfied being a sex-slave.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 220904

In response to e-man's query regarding GIRLS, SAMedia invited Dr Playwifger van der Hooker, Chairman of the Disgruntled, Depressed and Detached Singles Association (3DSA) to do a write-up for the problem e-man has encountered. The following is the exercept from Dr Hooker's write-up.


Good Afternoon my dear friends,

I am Dr Playwifger van der Hooker, Chairman of the Disgruntled, Depressed and Detached Singles Association, hereinafter referred to as 3DSA. It is my pleasure to be able to write for SAMedia Publications. Here I shall mention a particular observance of today's volatile relationship between any couple.

As e-man has pointed out, GIRLS who are attached seem to be more friendly than their single counterparts. This is completely wrong. ATTACHED GIRLS ARE MORE FRIENDLY than their single counterparts. His assumption that attached GIRLS are more friendly because of their nice nature is not without basis, but research has shown that there are 4 main reasons why attached GIRLS want to be nicer to GUYS.

The most obvious reason is that attached GIRLS need to keep their options open. This is mainly due to the widespread acceptance of the radical phrase "attached can break, married can divorce" by many GIRLS. As such, today's relationships are largely unstable and volatile, and can easily be affected by unforseen factors. I quote Professor Lam of the BURT saying that "terrorism is easier to predict than a breakup."

3DSA has conducted extensive research, revealing that today's GIRLS are more than ever concerned about the materialistic aspects of a relationship. They demand that they be treated as though they were a princess, be showered with lots of gifts and surprises, be chauffered and accompanied around, and require that u spend all your free time with them. And the worst part about this is that u cannot complain about such unfair treatment, as all this is their skewed interpretation of a requirement of the relationship on the GUY'S part.

However, the sad truth is that GUYS are unable to consistently meet up to such unreasonable expectation, no matter how hard they try. General expectations can be met for up to a period of not exceeding three (3) months, before weariness and fatigue sets in. This expectation may be further maintained for an extended period of six (6) months if SEX is involved. Materialistic GIRLS have to keep their options open because once she exhausts her current GUY financially and spiritually, she needs to hook up a substitute quickly otherwise the withdrawal symptoms will overwhelm her in no time.

The third reason is that GIRLS who are single are free to choose their partners. Hence they are relatively less nice to you as compared to a GIRL who is attached, as they know they are in demand. The attached GIRL is not entitled to choose the GUY they desire as the committment to her current relationship ties her down, effectively severing the link she would like to have with her desired GUY. Henceforth she has to pick whichever GUY who comes along, and that could be you. Conversely, it could be your lucky day if a single GIRL happens to be nice with u, as it could mean she has u in her options.

A large number of GUYS, especially GUYS who are single, find it a complete turn-off to associate themselves with attached GIRLS. This is because attached GIRLS entirely fit into the description of "so near yet so far away". Additionally, associating too closely with an attached GIRL gives others the impression that he is trying to break them up so that he can have her all to himself. This impression, though largely untrue, is frighteningly powerful, as it does effectively break couples up and cause distrust and hatred to linger permanently between all 3 parties involved.

The lame reason polled from attached GIRLS is that they want to test their partners, wanting to solicit a response for their being nice to other guys. This process, also known as the jealousy test, is now widely employed by playeress to determine if their GUY is suitable for them in the long run. This advice is for attached GUYS: Do not be fooled by this test. Both answers are wrong! If u are subjected to this test, immediately dump your GIRL. She doesnt trust u enough to be faithful to her, hence she is subjecting u to the test.

If u discover u are the victim of this test, remind the GIRL that she shouldnt be putting her GUY's trust on test. Also, be chivalrous. tell her that although u are single and available, u do not expect yourself to be the one who is condemned for life for snatching someone else's GIRL. Have some pride. 3DSA also advises that u have a 95% chance of meeting up with the same situation as the poor GUY before u had to deal with regarding the same GIRL. Don't let history repeat itself.

The final theory postulated by 3DSA regarding why attached GIRLS are more friendly their single counterparts does unravels the sad truth, once again, that relationships are only sweet in the beginning. Like wine opened and left standing, it turns sour quickly and the same applies to relationships. Once the sweet phase is over, the realities and demands of a relationship sinks in like the titanic and the GUY is left hanging at the top while the GIRL starts looking for alternatives. 3DSA also advises that such GIRLS be avoided at all costs, as they commit nothing and will leave u with nothing.

I hope that the above paragraphs have been helpful in explaining why attached GIRLS are so friendly nowadays. While it is true that they may be nice that's why they're attached, remember that this could be a part of the cycle that never ends. Do not end up as their statistics. Identify that cycle and stay out of it. It is 3DSA's small ambitous wish that the never-ending vicious cycle that affects millions of GUYS and GIRLS can be broken and set to rest, and GUYS and GIRLS can live happily ever after.

Signed,
Dr Playwifger van der Hooker
Dated 08 September 2004


--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 090904