In response to e-man's query regarding GIRLS, SAMedia invited Dr Playwifger van der Hooker, Chairman of the Disgruntled, Depressed and Detached Singles Association (3DSA) to do a write-up for the problem e-man has encountered. The following is the exercept from Dr Hooker's write-up.


Good Afternoon my dear friends,

I am Dr Playwifger van der Hooker, Chairman of the Disgruntled, Depressed and Detached Singles Association, hereinafter referred to as 3DSA. It is my pleasure to be able to write for SAMedia Publications. Here I shall mention a particular observance of today's volatile relationship between any couple.

As e-man has pointed out, GIRLS who are attached seem to be more friendly than their single counterparts. This is completely wrong. ATTACHED GIRLS ARE MORE FRIENDLY than their single counterparts. His assumption that attached GIRLS are more friendly because of their nice nature is not without basis, but research has shown that there are 4 main reasons why attached GIRLS want to be nicer to GUYS.

The most obvious reason is that attached GIRLS need to keep their options open. This is mainly due to the widespread acceptance of the radical phrase "attached can break, married can divorce" by many GIRLS. As such, today's relationships are largely unstable and volatile, and can easily be affected by unforseen factors. I quote Professor Lam of the BURT saying that "terrorism is easier to predict than a breakup."

3DSA has conducted extensive research, revealing that today's GIRLS are more than ever concerned about the materialistic aspects of a relationship. They demand that they be treated as though they were a princess, be showered with lots of gifts and surprises, be chauffered and accompanied around, and require that u spend all your free time with them. And the worst part about this is that u cannot complain about such unfair treatment, as all this is their skewed interpretation of a requirement of the relationship on the GUY'S part.

However, the sad truth is that GUYS are unable to consistently meet up to such unreasonable expectation, no matter how hard they try. General expectations can be met for up to a period of not exceeding three (3) months, before weariness and fatigue sets in. This expectation may be further maintained for an extended period of six (6) months if SEX is involved. Materialistic GIRLS have to keep their options open because once she exhausts her current GUY financially and spiritually, she needs to hook up a substitute quickly otherwise the withdrawal symptoms will overwhelm her in no time.

The third reason is that GIRLS who are single are free to choose their partners. Hence they are relatively less nice to you as compared to a GIRL who is attached, as they know they are in demand. The attached GIRL is not entitled to choose the GUY they desire as the committment to her current relationship ties her down, effectively severing the link she would like to have with her desired GUY. Henceforth she has to pick whichever GUY who comes along, and that could be you. Conversely, it could be your lucky day if a single GIRL happens to be nice with u, as it could mean she has u in her options.

A large number of GUYS, especially GUYS who are single, find it a complete turn-off to associate themselves with attached GIRLS. This is because attached GIRLS entirely fit into the description of "so near yet so far away". Additionally, associating too closely with an attached GIRL gives others the impression that he is trying to break them up so that he can have her all to himself. This impression, though largely untrue, is frighteningly powerful, as it does effectively break couples up and cause distrust and hatred to linger permanently between all 3 parties involved.

The lame reason polled from attached GIRLS is that they want to test their partners, wanting to solicit a response for their being nice to other guys. This process, also known as the jealousy test, is now widely employed by playeress to determine if their GUY is suitable for them in the long run. This advice is for attached GUYS: Do not be fooled by this test. Both answers are wrong! If u are subjected to this test, immediately dump your GIRL. She doesnt trust u enough to be faithful to her, hence she is subjecting u to the test.

If u discover u are the victim of this test, remind the GIRL that she shouldnt be putting her GUY's trust on test. Also, be chivalrous. tell her that although u are single and available, u do not expect yourself to be the one who is condemned for life for snatching someone else's GIRL. Have some pride. 3DSA also advises that u have a 95% chance of meeting up with the same situation as the poor GUY before u had to deal with regarding the same GIRL. Don't let history repeat itself.

The final theory postulated by 3DSA regarding why attached GIRLS are more friendly their single counterparts does unravels the sad truth, once again, that relationships are only sweet in the beginning. Like wine opened and left standing, it turns sour quickly and the same applies to relationships. Once the sweet phase is over, the realities and demands of a relationship sinks in like the titanic and the GUY is left hanging at the top while the GIRL starts looking for alternatives. 3DSA also advises that such GIRLS be avoided at all costs, as they commit nothing and will leave u with nothing.

I hope that the above paragraphs have been helpful in explaining why attached GIRLS are so friendly nowadays. While it is true that they may be nice that's why they're attached, remember that this could be a part of the cycle that never ends. Do not end up as their statistics. Identify that cycle and stay out of it. It is 3DSA's small ambitous wish that the never-ending vicious cycle that affects millions of GUYS and GIRLS can be broken and set to rest, and GUYS and GIRLS can live happily ever after.

Signed,
Dr Playwifger van der Hooker
Dated 08 September 2004


--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 090904