GOVERNMENT TO IMPLEMENT COMPULSORY NO-UNDERWEAR POLICY FOR MALES AGED 13 - 60

In view of recent drought conditions, the Government yesterday announced during an emergency Parliamentary meeting that it'll be implementing the compulsory no-underwear policy with immediate effect. All males aged 13 - 60 affected by this measure will have to go underwear-less by 2359hrs yesterday.

Parliament Spokesperson Noh Andaweh told SAMedia Publications that this measure was taken as part of a larger project that sought to tackle the declining birthrate in Singapore. "The rising average temperature in Singapore is of grave concern to the Government," said Mr Noh. "We're concerned that the excessive heat will lower the sperm count of our citizens, thus resulting in a lower fertilty rate."

While it has been scientifically proven that sperms are in fact destroyed by excessive heat conditions, most GIRLS agree in principle that such a measure is a little too obscene. "I think that GUYS should not be allowed to go underwear-less," said Ms Jee Siao Siao, who believes that balls hanging loose could have an adverse effect on dicks standing straight. "It's got something to do with the effect of gravity," Ms Jee continued. "Something similar to saggy boobs."

Local apparel manufacturers Geodarno, U3 and Hang Yours reported that sales for baggy pants increased tenfold immediately after the policy was announced. Geodarno spokesperson commented that this was probably due to the ability of baggy pants to provide increased cover to dicks standing at sedia (attention). A sales staff at Crocodile International, who declined to be named, said that the policy had caused company shares to plummet overnight. Fears of retrenchment are rampant amid the staff at several brief-making companies.

A couple of health organisations disapproved of the measure, arguing that the resultant friction generated in that area may produce more heat than it was supposed to lose. Associate Professor Ms Teh Stee Ker of the National Association for Testicles Organisation (NATO) stated that, "while going underwear-less puts the nuts away from the body heat, the movement of loose balls generates extra heat that may otherwise be harmful to sperms". Ms Teh added, "it's better to just go bottomless than underwear-less."

Mr Noh added that despite the act being passed, laws on indecent exposure and obscenity still applies. Individuals are reminded to keep their little brothers at senang-diri (ease) position in public or face the music. The Government also announced that while similar measures will not be implemented for GIRLS at the moment, they're discouraged from exposing excessive flesh that may tempt the little brothers to come into sedia position and land the GUY into trouble.

Short spites of rain today brought temporary relief to those who have difficulty in disciplining their little brothers. The Government will be monitoring the amount of rainfall in the next few weeks and review the policy accordingly.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publication, dated 270205

Good day, loyal supporters and sponsors of SAMedia Publications, your long awaited release is here. Please put the blame on whatever hardware fault that has befallen on the SamHub Technological Center.

In this festive season, many resolutions were made, but exactly how many came true? This long-awaited Lunar New Year has finally arrived, but the spirit has disappeared, leaving behind a full horde of commercialised shit.

When SAMedia Publications was created on the 31st January 2004, there were several motives behind its creation. One was definitely to pass time. Too much time was on hand and it could not be transformed into money, thus, wasted in cyberspace on blogs. People say time is money, but why can't this amount of my time be turned into money?

It's all SAF's fault. They made a screwed up posting and with the blink of an eye, I burned eight full months doing nothing and nuts. And the concept of spreading my ideology with my blog appeared. Oh, and if I might add, I did exchange my hours for dollars, in MLM language. I was paid SGD$0.011979166666666666666666666666667 a minute, SGD$0.71875 an hour, SGD$17.25 a day.

If u hear some girls telling u that NS trains u up and matures u, it's bullshit. What do they know about NS? Have they been through it? NS IS A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME!! Imagine for 26 months the monetary equivalent that could be exchanged at $5.00/hr, the minimum wage in the European Union.

Also, has anyone realised why the fuck on earth are we spending so much fucking time of our lives studying? Can anyone tell me what is the purpose of cramming so much knowledge, or rather, data into our heads when most of it ends up forgotten? Is it worthy an investment from a financial point of view? We spend nearly quarter a century studying but what have we gained? Information? or knowledge? or is it wisdom?

The education system in Singapore is changing again. Holy cow, they actually call it an education system. It's more like a information-input production line with a little variation and freedom to choose exactly which induction lane to enter into. You go through the motion like raw materials waiting to be produced into a good, and your potential is never realised. You end up being certified Bachelor or Master of a certain "skill" that you might never utilise for the rest of your life.

Not too surprisingly, the certificate from the University of Life (UOL) is not recognised in Singapore. This internationally-accredited course is not offered in any of our local universities, and worse still, you can't do correspondence either. Admission into the prestigious University of Life needs no pre-requisites and no course fees are required either. Everyone is welcome but few wish to enrol in the UOL until they enter the real world.

Alright, SamHub Inc took USD$2billion in exchange for advertising for the UOL here.

The question I pose to all is: What do you want in life?? Few can answer. Many simply go with the flow until they discover the answer. Some never find out what it was. Others intend to enter into slavery under MONEY until they find the answer, while others turn to religion. Your elders will probably tell you what society accepts as correct. You complete study, find a salaried job, earn money, buy a car, buy a house, find a girl, marry her, make kids, work your life away to bring them up, watch them desert you, then sell your car and your house, live in an old age home until you die. Society advocates and your elders concur. They were right.

Till the next time limpeh writes, you try to submit your answer to the above question. On the tagboard, please.


--extracted from the Memoirs of Director Chan, 2005, 5th Edition, SamHub Publishing House, Singapore. Reproduced with permission from Director himself, dated 120205