Detailed studies revealed that there is an average age gap of 2-5 yrs between most couples aged 19-29. While younger couples aged 14-18 are found to have generally small or no disparity, it occurs with 85% probability that couples aged 19-29 have an age disparity of approximately 2-5 yrs, and 12% with an age disparity of 6 yrs or more. The main reason for this disparity is diagnosed by SAMedia as NATIONAL SERVICE (NS), which many GUYS agree unanimously that it is a complete waste of time. SAMedia discovers that becos of NS, GIRLS are given an unfair 3-year headstart and hence get their degrees earlier, enter the workforce earlier, makes $ earlier and gains promotions earlier. GIRLS are also not subjected to a 3yr disruption in studies which GUYS have to endure through and a number of GUYS whom SAMedia interviewed expressed implicitly that they are having difficulty catching up after this long period of disruption. The auxiliary reasons for the age disparity is the level of maturity between the two sexes in question. Ms Kinky Ong of the Hanky Panky Society (HPS) explains that "because GIRLS reach puberty first, hence their level of maturity is higher than GUYS. This equates to a GIRL having to find a GUY 2-5yrs older than her so as to compensate for this maturity disparity." While her explanation is widely disputed by most GUYS, the fact remains that the age gap in 85% of the couples is indeed 2-5yrs and the younger person is almost exclusively the GIRL. Her theory is also supported by nature-lovers, citing evidence that GUYS reach menopause way after the GIRL so it is only right that the GUY should be older. However, the Break-Up Research Team (BURT) pointed out to SAMedia that on top of being more mature, older GUYS are generally financially independent and do not act as desperate as their younger counterparts. This could explain the fallacies regarding GIRLS having the tendency to be more choosy and realistic (read: materialistic). "The situation is quite bad," Professor Lam Pah Chee of the BURT said. "Every guy that the GIRL ever comes across in the NUS/NTU in her uni life is older than her. Even in her final year, the age of the freshMEN that year will at least be on par." Prof Lam also noted that as ORD-personnel make their first step into NUS/NTU, the first group of GIRLS they befriend will be at least 2 years younger, but this time depending largely on the age of the GUY. Because of this age disparity and the effects of it, some GUYS are recommending that GIRLS too must serve NS. This group of GUYS, who did not wished to be named, have created a proposal for the idea but do not know where to send it to. SAMedia shall do them this favour and publish the details of their proposal, summarised, here:

1. ALL GIRLS upon reaching the age of 18 should serve National Service, so as to instil a sense of loyalty and patriotism within them (so that they'll not run away with some angmoh).

2. GIRLS serving NS will be known as, and hereinafter referred to as NSf(s) (National Service, females)

3. ALL NSFs and NSfs are required to serve 2 years liability, or 2½ yrs if they have up to tertiary education. A 2mth reduction in liability will be extended to NSfs who obtain at least a silver in their NAPFA. However, this is applicable only for those NSfs undergoing the REGULAR program. (see below)

4. NSfs will be given a choice to contribute to the nation through the FEMALE program, which is specially tailored for them, or via the REGULAR program ie. same as guys. (this option was provided in case some feminist organisations protest that they've been discriminated as the "weaker" sex).

5. Once the program is selected, it cannot be changed.

6. For NSfs who choose the REGULAR program, they'll be put through the same grueling training that GUYS as NSF will be put through. There'll be no exemptions made, except that the NSfs and NSFs may not bathe or sleep together. Their NS will be similar to the ones that GUYS will go through. (so as to be fair to NSFs)

7. However, for physically weaker GIRLS who might not be able to tahan the REGULAR training, they may opt for the FEMALE way of contributing to the nation. This option is recommended for all GIRLS as the SAF has enough GUYS contributing absolutely nothing.

8. The FEMALE program involves having to learn housework and childcare and the objective is to train NSfs to be fully competent in these life-skills by the time they ORD. (so that we'll rely less on foreign talent for our household chores)

9. NSfs undergoing the FEMALE program will also be required to procreate (otherwise they'll not be allowed to ORD). They must make at least 1 x baby in 2 yrs. This is in line with the CHENG WOO's policy of getting SINGAPOREANS to procreate so that we can all tackle the declining birthrate.

10. NSfs who make more than 1 x baby will be entitled to countless housing benefits and tax rebates and all kinds of goodies the CHENG WOO can offer in the future.

11. The care of the newborn SINGAPOREAN will be entrusted to parents, so the GIRLS will be freed to carry on learning other life-skills (after their 2 mths of maternity leave).

In this way, the group argued that, it will be extremely beneficial to the nation. GIRLS will no longer have the unfair 3-yr headstart, and must also contribute their share as citizens to the nation. In addition, when both GIRLS and GUYS are contributing at the same time, external threats from ORD-personnel are removed entirely and useful resources are not wasted. If this is implemented, SINGAPORE will be lifted on its reliance on foreign domestic talent, and is an immediate solution to the ever-declining birthrate. The by-product of this proposal: Sarong-Party GIRLS (SPGs) are also inevitably eliminated. "It's a great kill," remarked Mr. X, team leader of the group who did not wish to be named. "They'll ORD together, then they can further their studies together, and they'll be doing everything together! Isn't that good?" Mr X responded. If this is really implemented, SAMedia believes that GUYS would not have to resort to fooling around with xiao-meimei(s) anymore, whose level of maturity is said to be on par with theirs. SAMedia has no comments on this proposal. WE ARE ONLY DOING THEM A FAVOUR BY PUBLISHING THIS COS NO ONE WANTS TO.


--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 210504