In response to the bulletin posted by Shihui on 3rd May 2004 at 1245hrs (frenster time) titled "THE TRUTH ABOUT GIRLS.. TO GUYS~....", SAMedia discovered a group of GUYS who had, in just 2 hours, gathered sufficient material to release its own bulletin titled "THE FALLACIES ABOUT THE TRUTH ABOUT GIRLS" (see below). The group, comprising mainly of shitjob labourers (read: NSF) and post ORD-personnel serving time in NUS/NTU, said in their words that they compiled the bulletin in order to "identify the fallacies and correct the facts so that other GUYS will not be misled". The 2-page article, written with a selection of carefully crafted and politically correct words, is the brainchild of a Mr Farelercies De Expoze, director of the nameless group. However, he declined interview, but agreed to let SAMedia publish excerpts of the masterpiece. The following excerpt is copyright of and exclusive to Mr Farelercies De Expoze and do not in any way reflect the views of SAMedia Publications:
EXCERPTS OF "THE FALLACIES ABOUT THE TRUTH ABOUT GIRLS"
1. If a GIRL says she is sad and she is crying, she is really sad. However, if she says she is sad but isn't crying, then she either is very stressed up about recent events or she just simply miss her GUY. Real sadness and crying always come together.
2. If a GIRL ignores u becos u did something wrong, then ur fucked. Either u apologise immediately and fuck off or u just fuck off. GIRLS dont remember much about what happened just now unless u remind them.
3. If a GIRL finds it very hard to get over a guy after a relationship is over, it most probably is becos she has given something(s) very precious to him and cannot get it back. They cant find anything to hate about the GUY becos its not the GUY's fault anyway.
4. If a GIRL has the GUY she loves on his mind every minute of the day, thats becos she listens to the song "Always on my mind" too much liao. Get her to listen to "SHE BANGS" more often.
5. When u smile at her and stare deep into her eyes, be prepared to either get a slap, be asked the question "why u look at me until like that? u cock-eye ah?" or get into action in bed.
6. A GIRL likes to hear compliments. That's true. Just lie your way thru and dont tell her she's fat.
7. If the GIRL ur flirting with starts to like u, its time to change GIRL.
8. If u don't like a GIRL who likes u, tell her straight in the face. It's better than beating around the bush or hinting everywhere and she still doesnt get a clue. Yes she may get hurt, but fuck, she ultimately will get hurt either way. Nobody ordered her to like u.
9. If she starts avoiding u after u reject her, let it be cos u dont like her anyway. If she wants u as a friend, she'll come back to look for u.
10. GIRLS enjoy talking about wat they feel. If u dont suscribe to all day free incoming calls on your hp, good luck.
11. Never tell a GIRL she is useless in anyway unless u want to get slapped on the spot and be called a loser by every GIRL she knows for ever and ever, AMEN.
12. Be serious. Be too serious. Otherwise she'll think that ur not serious with her.
13. A smile means a lot to a GIRL. Smiling too much loses its meaning.
14. If u like a GIRL, get ready lots of cash. They'll definitely come in handy.
15. Don't try to guess a GIRL's feelings. Even Albert Einstein failed at that. And don't bother asking her. She wont tell u the truth unless ur a GIRL.
16. If u say "I Love u" to a GIRL, well... we're not responsible for wat happens after that.
17. If a GIRL falls in love with u, u'll definitely know. The whole world will know.
18. If u need tips on how to flirt with a GIRL, reading romance novels will not help. ROMANCE STORIES ARE MAINLY FICITON. start with a young innocent GIRL and work ur way up. Practice makes perfect.
19. When class pictures come out, the GIRL will always say "EEEeee, i look so ugly in it!!"
20. A GIRL's ex-crush is only stored on RAM. If it is stored on her hard disk, then u shd be extra careful.
21. GIRLS love having fun! oh well, we never said they dont.
22. A simple 'Hi' can brighten up a GIRL's day. But not when ur only conversations with her start with a 'Hi' and ends with a 'BYE' in 10 seconds.
23. A GIRL's best frens usually know best what she is feeling and going thru. They're a GOOD source of information about her! But be wary not to tap into this resource too deep and too often. u might unintentionally pick up a PRAWN for no reason.
24. GIRLS hate it when a GUY pays attention to them just to get close to their prettier fren. Then do it the FISH-PRAWN method!
25. Love means no other GIRLS , all your time and all MY freedom to a GIRL, in that order.
26. Some GIRLS care about looks, some care about brains, but all are unsatisified with their weight and boob size.
27. If u have already done something irreversible with her or made her pregnant, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN..
This excerpt is courtesy of Mr Farelercies De Expoze and his team.
----extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 030504
Monday, May 03, 2004
17 Comments:
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