The GIRLS have finally spoken out. After 6 mths of silence, the GIRLS are finally refuting SAMedia's point that close to 95% of all break-ups between couples aged 17-21 is due to the GIRL. (see archives) They led strong protests in an undisclosed location that attracted hordes of reporters to the scene, prompting SAMedia agents to take cover in a desolated spot not too far away from the vicinity.

SAMedia agents managed to track down the brains behind this event. A Ms Kuah Buay Qwee was rumoured to be responsible for this protest. She told the SAMedia undercover reporter that "GIRLS are not responsible for 95% of all break-ups between couples aged 17-21 u cheebeh!" Ms Kuah continues to shoot at SAMedia for publishing the "goddamned" article and suggested that "SAMedia Publications should be altogether banned for corrupting the minds of young couples." She has an estimated total of 60 true cases waiting for their turn to be heard.

Ms Kuah announced that GIRLS are victims of their time as well. Said Ms Kuah: "When u GUYS are enlisted, do u know how lonely we are? u may be suffering in tekong but we too are suffering at home!" She quoted several cases where the GIRL had changed her lifestyle habits entirely just to suit the GUY's unit's training schedule. "Some GIRLS rush here rush there so that they will have no distraction when the GUY calls." She then referred to other cases where the GIRL was known to have picked up several life-skills while waiting for BOOK-OUT day to come. Some of the life-skills learnt include cooking, knitting, baking, sewing, crying and lastly, independence.

The last life-skill that was mentioned is a disputed fact among the 2 parties. SAMedia maintains its stand that while independence of the GIRL makes reliance on the GUY less, it decreases liability between the 2 parties and hence weakens the bonds that hold the relationship together. The GIRL no longer has to account to the GUY regarding her involvements and committments but the reverse is not true. This, argued Professor Lam Pah Chee of the Break Up Research Team (BURT), leads to a regaining of freedom which, in his own words, "can be extremely dangerous to the stability of the relationship as it threatens the only link the GUY has with the GIRL."

Prof Lam continues to give examples of how this newfound freedom can do. "For example, if the GIRL were to pick up clubbing so as to burn time, it is inevitable that she'll be picked up by some lame ah beng shit or some angmoh shit," indicated Prof Lam. "The GIRL might be able to resist the initial attempts, but as soon as the inertia sets in, she'll give in. 99% of GIRLS are psychologically weak and will quickly fall if the GUY manages to hit her weak spots, that is, her desire for companionship and love."

This is relevant, as studies have shown that it doesnt matter if the GIRL does not like that GUY at all. The new GUY needs only fill up the void in the GIRL's heart and in no time a strange feeling of attraction will envelope the GIRL and she finds that she has no chance of crushing it. This proves Prof Lam's theory that it's a "psychological warfare" and that "u needn't even be yandao, just ordinary will do". "The GIRL still loves her GUY alot, but she cannot associate herself with him anymore," commented Prof Lam. "At that point, the GIRL is no longer able to determine the identity of either GUY. She can only identify with the one providing her time, concern and companionship at that moment when she makes the decision to defect."

SAMedia Publications mobilised a group of 800 GUYS, each who were willing to swear an oath that their GIRLS went AWOL when they were serving time in the SAF. All 800 denied when asked if the reason why their GIRLS deserted them was becos they didnt love and shower sufficient care on them. 90% of them stated that the reason their GIRLS deserted them was becos they had found someone who could replace them in the civilian world. Most commented that the "GUYS out there" have everything that they don't, and considering that the GIRL herself is also deprived, hence it makes it all the more easier a task for the GUY. "They just serve to fill the void," one of the GUYS told SAMedia. "The GUYS out there have the time, money, hair, car, and can afford to devote all their time to being physically present with the GIRL. This is the single greatest attribute to why couples break up."

Still Ms Kuah denies it. "Please do not think of us GIRLS as though we are heartless creatures who dump our GUYS for no reason whatsoever." Ms Kuah said, clearly irritated. "There are GIRLS who remain loyal to their GUYS all the way from DOE to ORD." However, all evidence seems to point at the fact that as long as the GIRLS themselves remain in seclusion and are not tempted by another GUY, the chances of the GIRL herself diluting the bonds of the relationship is small. "The catalyst is the ORD-personnel," quoted Prof Lam. "They are the ones with the energy, time, money, and the desire to take over the GIRL. And 99% of GIRLS are weak."

Maybe that's why there is no requirement for GIRLS to serve National Service. But the ORD-personnel are not to be blamed as well. "They've been through it once, and now it's their turn," said Prof Lam. "They've seen ORD-personnel of their time take away their GIRLS. Now they have to endure another injustice done to them: Seeing their juniors serve up to 6mths less time than themselves. Those months could be extremely crucial in determining if a relationship makes or breaks it."

The fault still lies with the GIRL.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 060704