The SamHub Times report that the small band of vandalisers vandalising on the National Kidney Front building has grown into a battlion-sized siege force, prompting security forces to retreat for safety. Angry demonstrators and kidney patients alike have sealed off the four main exits of the building in an attempt to prevent the CEO, a certain Mr TeleTubbie Doolai, from leaving the place.

As of press time, one company of kidney patients are contemplating on storming the building and hold the CEO ransom, while the other is in the process of mobilising other people to hold off security forces that were hastily assembled to prevent the break-in. The kidney patients are expected to conduct their assault very soon as the time to their next dialysis is approaching but no funds have been made available so far.

Professor Kan Nah Tock of the Charitably Disguised Council (CDC) said that the issue had been "sitting on powdered keg for a very long time" and it was "only a matter of time before a spark flew along and ignited it." He added that although the general public, according to the local media, described to be "outraged" and "angry", other than withholding and discontinuing donations and asking for Mr TeleTubbie's resignation, took no other concrete actions to resolve this crisis.

Experts polled that this public outcry is unlikely to get violent, save for the two battalions of demonstrators that had been mobilised. Police forces have been deployed to localise the conflict and prevent hostilities from escalating, but few are actually seen patrolling the area. Afterall, they themselves have also made significant contributions to Mr TeleTubbie's first class flights and toilet bowl, and probably for his blowjob as well.

This is the first time the public has taken on a strong stance and forced the Government to take matters in its hands. An angry demonstrator, who declined to be named, shouted that Mr TeleTubbie "be flushed down his toilet bowl." Another demonstrator screamed, "This is too much!" while showing us his bank savings book. He had made monthly contributions to NKF and was determined to get the money back, complete with 6% interest per annum.

Local telephone operators were reported to have been blackmailed with threats of non-payment for calls made to the famed hotline. Banks also reported that thousands of immensely outraged donors immediately cancelled their monthly donations, faster than they had called the hotline several days ago, and many more are planning to default on their Giro deductions. It is not known if the telcos and banks will take legal action to reclaim their loss, and much less is known as to who they will take action against.

For all the bad news for NKF, a loyal group of supporters, consisting mainly of its board of directors and the Sad Man's wife, have rallied together to defend for their teletubbies. However, SAMedia Publications were unable to interview them as they were nowhere to be seen. It is reported that they were still stuck on cloud nine, and have much difficulty coming back to earth. Some members of the public, concerned about the plight of the real victims of the entire episode, also chose to err on the side of the NKF.

However, few kidney patients are willing to take the chance to return to normal times. Afterall, no matter who wins this game in the end, they are the ones who lose as donations dry out. Many more are staking all out against the NKF and its teletubbie CEO in an attempt at life, something that was grostquely emotionalised and effectively played upon during the fully commercialised televised shows which has since failed to get anyone else in tears except the cast and host.

To them, the end seems near. Said kidney patient Sheng Zhang Bing, "It's to the NKF's credit that I'm still alive today. NKF subsidised the expensive dialysis, and allowed me a new chance to live. So please don't stop your donations, please" sobbed Mr Sheng as he told SAMedia Publications his sad life story, in similar style to the televised clips. Many now believe that a part of the money earmarked for "administration and beneficiaries" also go towards the production of these sad tales.

Unfortunately, most Singaporeans choose to revolt silently with their bank books and letters, much in the same way this episode was unveiled. No one is certain what will happen after Mr TeleTubbie steps down, and it is highly unlikely that he will return the money that has been squeezed from each ordinary Singaporean, as it is his legal income, endorsed by the NKF board and the IRAS. No one really cares either. Everyone just wants money.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 140705

To all potential demonstrators re-directed from Yahoo or Google and seeking to sign an online petition or write an appeal to the Government for increased transparency and accountability, you have come to the wrong place. This site advocates war and will not negotiate.