It has once again come to SAMedia's attention that majority of the couples here have extremely opposing looks.

After squatting outside the Heeren Shops for hours one fine saturday afternoon, SAMedia agents counted 153 'extra-ordinarily normal' guys attached to girls of above-average looks and 224 'more-than-perfectly normal looking' girls holding hands with a guy comparable to Cristiano Ronaldo, out of a total of 400 couples who strolled past the DBS ATM unknowingly.

This seemingly weird initmate connection between the 2 sexes remains mysteriously mysterious until Ms Kinky Ong of the HPS (Hankie-Pankie Society) explained that it was for "security reasons" that the yandao-est yandao choose the ugliest girl as his partner and that the chioest chiobu choose the ugliest guy as her partner.

"The yandao always scared competition mah, there are so many pirated Tom Cluises around, if he take the chiobu then she might run away wif the other 'chiong' products rite," said Ms Ong. She was mainly referring to the point that the more-than-perfectly normal-looking girls are generally contented and satisfied with what their luck and fate had brought for them. "For these girls, they're safe, as they are always exclusively excluded from this competition."

The reasoning for girls is not as simple as for the guys. Ms Ong continues to explain that "the girl's greatest fear is that the yandaos there are out on a screwing spree. And, in addition to adding to their statistics, screwing chiobu(s) gain them bonus pts," added Ms Ong, immediately adopting a defensive stand.

What a stab in the back for guys who look like Josh Harnett. Like how the Vice-President of SamHub Inc Mr S A Muel said, "It's not our fault that Josh had to look like us right?"

How true.

SAMedia agents actually had the chance to poll two couples about this question. The first couple who accepted interview, Mr Woshi Zuikeaide, 23, has an uncanny resemblance of Hidetoshi Nakata while his girl, Ms Bakjiu Tatsai, 19, is often mistaken for Hsu Chun-mei from far. Both met while they were in high school back in Japan.

Said Mr Zuikeaide, "I choose Ms Tatsai as my beau because the pretty ladies back in Japan are either all attached to the ugliest guys or they're moonlighting as porn stars." Ms Tatsai told SAMedia discreetly that she could not turn down Mr Zuikeaide's proposal as she was getting a million times more than what she had requested for. "No waite ne, watashi taker him furst..."

The other couple that SAMedia interviewed was Mr Seow Tah Por and Ms Cha Bor Young. Mr Seow sincerely believes his long lost twin brother is William Hung because he sings like him. "My mother told me she gave away my twin brother at birth because she couldnt afford twins. Now that I know who he is, I must acknowledge him!" Mr Seow declared with lots of pride.

Mr Seow was smacked in the head by Ms Cha as he barely completed his sentence. "Nabeh! u want to eat kimchi for the whole month issit?" shouted Ms Cha, who also believes she has a long lost twin sister by the name of Jeon Ji-Hyun. When asked why she had chosen Mr Seow as her boyfriend, she replied, "he ah, kind loh.. caring, like that loh.. he wont run away with other girls. HE DOESNT DARE." said Ms Cha while staring wide-eyed at Mr Seow.

While it seems like it is a normal occurence that the extremities between facial features of each sex exist for all their reasons, Ms Mabel Lin of Maplelin Cosmetics best expresses it using one word: MAKE-UP. "With make-up, any ugly duckling can become THE cinderella! It's the modern day fairy godmother's stick!" quoted Ms Lin. SAMedia agrees with Ms Lin.

Make-up does does wonders.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 270604