The conclusion of the first POLL of SAMedia Publications revealed partially surprising results. The POLL, which lasted 50days, opened on 11 APR 2004 and ended on 31 MAY 2004, with a total of 50 votes collected, averaging approximately one vote per day, rain or shine. Here are the results:

ANALYSIS COURTESY OF SAMLABS

It seems that SINGAPORE is either on its way to extinction, or many future SINGAPOREANS are going to be illegitimate.

It is clearly seen that many SINGAPOREANS do enjoy and engage in the process of procreation frequently. Dr Jin Ho Pia, associate professor of the Xerud Laboratories (XL) says, "We have proved that the Durex surveys are wrong; SINGAPOREANS definitely do it more than 96 times a year. I believe many other overseas attempts have not been taken into account." He also argues that Singaporeans all are "spoilt for choice", considering that SINGAPORE is a "multi-racial society".

However, apart from seemingly just enjoying the process of procreation, SINGAPOREANS again revealed their REALISTIC selves when the 2nd highest count of the POLL happens to be a total ignorance of the GOVT's pleas. "Many people would rather make kids at their own pace than heed any of the GOVT's advice," retorted Mr X, proposer for the NSf scheme, who still did not wish to be named. "Hence, it is necessary for the GOVT to implement such drastic measures if something is to be done to curb the declining birthrate."

His team is fiercely campaigning for their proposal to be put into place. It was reported that the group's latest target audience are those who are hanging on the border, unable to make a decision between obeying the GOVT or obeying MONEY or obeying themselves. Although this group constitutes only a small share of the pie, their alliance to any side could change weightings drastically.

And wanting to be heard finally, a small group of senile pple out there have cast votes to announce their presence. SAMedia Publications would like to thank this group of barren supporters for their continued support and hope that they will continue to help fight the declining birthrate with whatever option still open to them.

While trying to get over the senile craze, SAMedia discovered that the other interesting option selected in the POLL was that people finally realised that it took two hands to clap. Perhaps "I cant do it alone" should be the theme for Romancing Singapore 2004.

Not forgetting those who fucking hate kids, and those who are struggling with pacifers. But how young is too young?

Without fail the usual MONEY concerns are also present. Should the financial responsibility of procreation rest on the GOVT's shoudlers? Mr Quic Kie of the Pro-Creation Committee (PCC) tells SAMedia that it is only fair that the GOVT should pay for the costs of raising kids. "It's they want one mah, so they pay lah! knn the gahmen tax me so chor liao still want me to pay ah?"

Just ONE person expressed support for the GOVT. "It is a shame," said Dr Jin, shaking his head profusely. "So much for National Service, for instilling pride and loyalty to country, only for them to abandon their Nation when she needs them most."

He feels extremely disappointed in SINGAPOREANS, labelling them "MATERIALISTIC", "SELFISH", "TRAITOR", "MONEY-MINDED", "HOPELESS", "PATHETIC", "UNGRATEFUL", etc, and whatever u can think of. "Where are the people when the Nation most needs them?" Dr Jin lamented. "All excuses!"

Surprisingly, the GOVT may not be the most sore loser in this battle, for no one has expressed interest in the Seminary. This equates to the Seminaries having bear the brunt of the consequences of this procreation problem, as in the future when money incentives and other benefits grow in size, people become even more materialistic and no one will ever want to enter seclusion again.

By then, it may not be that wise a choice to hate kids.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 010604