Now that our BIG BROTHER LEE himself has to get into the act of begging unwilling unconsenting SINGAPOREANS to marry and make kids, SAMedia will, once again, in support of the CHENG WOO (which it has always done), embark on another campaign to encourage all goddamned SINGAPOREANS to make kids. While SAMedia understands that this responsibility cannot be borne by the CHENG WOO alone, critics have repeatedly demanded that our CHENG WOO pledge itself as the banker to provide financial security to the couples who actually venture into this investment. SamHub Investment & Insurance Group (SIIG) assigned this investment as "high-risk" coupled with "low-returns". Financial Advisor Bu Ting Hua tells SAMedia that "with the current trends, no new-age kid is expected to turn out as well-behaving as desired, hence, we at the SIIG determine it to be a "low-return" investment." As for the "high-risk" factor, Mr Bu bluntly says that the teenagers nowadays are not educated about fidelity and responsibility, much less in parenting skills. "Kids nowadays have high sexual drive and only know how to fuck around and fuck around. Henceforth," Mr Bu continues, "to compensate for this deficiency, pple choose to bid their time. By delaying, they're betting that time will teach them these critical skills and prepare them." He also stresses that by the time this investment evolves into "medium or low risk", too much time has been wasted and the returns actually de-generate into "nil-returns" or could even work out to be negative. "It is like a tradeoff," says Mr Bu. "When u delay, there is a higher chance the 'clash-of-hormone factor' will occur. If u do it early, u are at ur physical peak and ur kid is expected to be the healthiest of his cohort." The CHENG WOO, as SAMedia discovered, has failed to plug several holes that would instantly get SINGAPOREANS to marry and make kids. It has yet to address the issue on why divorce rates are rising sky-high in the recent decade. At the same time, with the extremely high standard of living in Singapore, it is economically impossible for teenagers to help the CHENG WOO, unless the CHENG WOO helps them first. SIIG has further remarked that in the past, present and in the future to be, the poor and the uneducated have always been the culprits (then) who produce soccer teams, while the educated middle-class and the wealthy are the ones who produce only in mediocre numbers. The third point comes here that birth rates are inadvertently affected by the education level of the population, and the standard of living, of which in this case, the CHENG WOO has so far been selectively blind. It has also overlooked the fact that SINGAPORE is not the only country facing such a problem. If case studies on CHINA was done (which SAMedia strongly believes so), it would have been clear that perks such as tax-reliefs, childcare benefits, and a campaign to get romance in motion (Romancing Singapore 2004) will not work in favour. While many were against extreme measures such as lowering the GNP and living standards to recreate the poor, uneducated and "lok cok" environment 40yrs ago that encouraged SINGAPOREANS to make soccer teams, there seems to be no other viable method to tempt SINGAPOREANS into making kids. "Many SINGAPOREANS are unable to afford a car, a house, much less a kid, and with the benefits of being single so attractive, which idiot wants to relinquish such privileges at such an early age?" Mr Bu adds. The SIIG also disputes BIG BROTHER LEE's assertion of SDU as SEXY, DESIRABLE, and UNIQUE. Mr Choc Kor Lert, assistant Director of the SIIG jokingly comments that BIG BROTHER LEE's interpretation of SDU is more complete using SEXually-dysfunctional, unDESIRABLE-desperados, UNIQUELY-UGLY. "How will u feel if u receive a 'ON GOVERNMENT SERVICE' letter stating that "In accordance to Chapter 93 of the SDU Act (section 77) you are required to report to the Single Desperate Ugly Unit on this date at 0900hrs sharp for matchmaking services. Failure to report on time will constitute a civil offence under Section 302 of the Penal Code and is punishable by law with a lifelong imprisonment or a SGD$10,000,000,000.00 fine or both. " Ultimately, SINGAPORE will be full of FILIPEENO, BHANGRA and CHEENA PR if no one wants to marry and make kids. Otherwise, everyone can opt to go with the flow of the CHENG WOO's self-consolating measures such as easing the restrictions for PR status and the inclusion of non-singlish speaking OBS (Overseas-Born Singaporeans) so as to boost population numbers and still be full of FILIPEENO, BHANGRA, and CHEENA PR.

--extracted from the SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 080404