Considering that the economy is in such a bad shape now, it certainly doesnt make sense not to be MATERIALISTIC. SAMedia discovered that while most GIRLS do not equate being MATERIALISTIC to being REALISTIC, they somehow confuse them together when they finish schooling and step into the REAL WORLD. With no welcome speech by some mafia boss, no orientation week, no fixed syllabus and no true friends in this REAL WORLD, it seems that 95% of the GIRLS have difficulty adapting to their new environment. When interviewed, temp white collar worker Ms Graduated Outta van der Sekola said, "I dun like my colleagues and theres alot of office politics and backstabbing going on. and the stress is unbearable! Mummy, where are u??" Another temp white collar worker, Ms Xu Yao Qian, told SAMedia that she wakes up every morning feeling very terrible and dreads going to work. "when i wake up, the 1st thing that comes to my mind is 'i dont want to go to work, i dont want to go to work, i dont want to go to work, i dont want to go to work, i dont want to go to work...' and the feeling sucks! im going to tender my resignation this week. i cant take it anymore!" SAMedia understands that Ms Xu is working in an environment where most of her fellow colleagues hold diplomas in chao keng-ing and are professional backstabbers. Employment expert Chuay Bo Kang told SAMedia that the only way to guard against backstabbers is to be a backstabber yourself and stab everyone first before they manage to stab u. "Backstabbing is dangerous policy. u have to get close to the victim discreetly without being seen then u must make that one stab count. Otherwise u'll be at the end of future reprisals." says Mr Chuay. "It is better if u can use a GPMG instead." And although it is a well known fact that such temp jobs do not yield formidable income, many GIRLS are at a loss where managing the influx of extra cash is concerned. "Most GIRLS spend the money on shopping and shopping and shopping." indicated Ms Cyndeee Wong, financial consultant of the SamHub Stock Exchange (SHSX). "They've always wanted to get on a shopping spree since young but most GIRLS never had sufficient Vitamin M or parental approval to realise this dream. When they get their first paycheck, they go to a shopping center and buy every single thing they can lay their hands on." Ms Wong is currently writing a book titled "why girls like shopping and why guys like soccer" and it is projected that this book will hit the shelves in late July. Ms Wong's sister Madame Wong Da Jie also expressed concern at young GIRLS spending money like water. "At least the CHENG WOO has had campaigns to educate SINGAPOREANS not to waste water, and every now and then our northern neighbours will KPKB (kao peh kao bu) to remind us that the bulk of our water comes from them." said Madame Wong. "The CHENG WOO must educate our young ladies as they re-discover that cash is actually very cold and hard, not like the silver pennies they used to keep in their pink purses." Of cos while many think that this is an impossible task for our CHENG WOO, most agree that the GIRLS all kena MAKAN when they first step into the REAL WORLD. "It's like that one lah, its a vicious cycle, when i first started work i also kena MAKAN." Ms Jiak Ba Liao, a sales consultant with the Goods and Services EXchange (GoodSEX) remarked. "Blame the guys lah! They dunno learn wat shit in the ARMY then come here and bully us!" However, SAMedia uncovered the fact that although most GIRLS hate the jobs that they're doing, they're in fact bounded to it becos they need the money. However, unknown to most GIRLS, the SamHub Banking Corporation (SHBC) is offering new savings plan to all GIRLS working temp. CEO of SHBC Mr Leu Mas Chan announced that "this is specially designed for GIRLS who have problems keeping tabs on their spending." An advertisement placed in the SamHub Financial Times revealed that SHBC is offering an attractive and irresistible interest rate of 6.92% p.a. and customers need to contribute 85% of their income for a minimum of 6 mths to enjoy the benefits. Mr Chan brushed aside evil remarks saying that this was a scheme to "cheat little girls of their pocket money", but he defended staunchly adding that "If we dont help them safekeep, no one else will, and in no time all their hard-earned money will end up in orchard road. Many thanks for contributing to our nation's economy." SHBC Chief Financial Officer Mr Tan Bo Jiak gave SAMedia an insight to what is actually happening. Mr Tan commented that these GIRLS are very troublesome and they pose a threat to our nation's economy. "You may think otherwise," as he further elaborates. " but when the GIRLS think that there are greener pastures elsewhere or they want to learn something else or they want to have a change in environment, they quit without giving much notice and the company has to waste precious resources advertising, interviewing, briefing and giving the replacement on-the-job training." Mr Tan terms this as "escaping" and says that it'll do the GIRL no good in her future. "It is almost impossible to land urself in a job that u sincerely like in the future, and ur colleagues will be at best, superficial, to say." Mr Tan continued. "Wat is going to happen when the GIRL graduates and at that time really enters the REAL WORLD for good? How will she be able to handle all these?" In fact, SHBC surveyed its ex-temp employees and found out that the top 5 reasons for resigning is: 1. Not satisfied with job scope, 2. Having problems with colleagues, 3. Sianz of the job liao, 4. Contract expired, and lastly, 5. Semester starting soon. "As you can see", Mr Tan pointed out, that "none of the above options includes reasons such as 'pay not high enough' or 'working hours too long'." He even provides a classique example of a GIRL who quit her job her job becos it required her to cho bo lan (do nothing) and in his own words it was "very good money for doing nothing and yet she still quit". Mr Tan couldnt believe the GIRL, all the while trying to explain that there are so many regulars leeching the SAF and "here standing in front of me was someone who was collecting good money for doing nothing and was getting tired of it". SAMedia understands that many GIRLS are emotionally at a loss when they suddenly realise wat the REAL WORLD is offering them and when they re-discover the importance and significance of cold, hard cash. SAMedia interviewed a few GIRLS who said that, "after getting my first paycheck, I will never date a guy who is financially unstable." This seems incredibly unfair to GUYS as they're all trapped in a shithole for 2 yrs 4mths and GIRLS have the headstart. "Maybe thats why we gotta find younger and more gullible girls now," joked 3SG Xian Char Bor. "The GIRLS all so materialistic, how to match them? its not like they dont know soldiers are all poor men." Unfortunately, many GIRLS whom SAMedia interviewed are not admitting to this fact, instead citing that it is "in all REALISM that we look up upon being MATERIALISTIC". Ultimately, SAMedia will advice innocent GUYS and GIRLS to stay out of this shit, instead of opting to go with the flow and get some quick bucks that disappear equally quickly. "u might as well invest in 4D, TOTO, or just bet soccer." Madame Wong lamented. "the money comes as quick as it goes, only that u get much more if u strike 4D or TOTO."

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 240404