Given that there is such a large number of factors to consider when choosing a partner for urself, researchers at SamHub Technologies (ST) have established a link between GUYS, GIRLS, CATS and DOGS to aid mankind. Known as the HOMOFELINOCANINE Relation, or HFC Relations for short, ST has managed to associate the 4 previously immiscible things together under a common relation as seen here. Professor CS Chan (again), Chief Researcher of SamLabs, who deserves most credit for having come up with this HFC Relation, tells SAMedia that "it was many years of careful observation and analysis that had led to this conclusion and NO animals were harmed in the process of experimentation. " He explains that all people, regardless of race, language or our religion, can be classified into two categories, namely the FELINER and the CANINER. "FELINERS are the group of people who prefers CATS. CANINERS are those who prefer DOGS." says Prof. Chan as he goes into the minute details. When asked about those who have no particular preference over either animal, he declared that, "There will be a varying degree of preference, after all, as people will tend to either like or hate one more than the other." SAMedia understands from ST that the HFC Relation is very critical in explaining why some couples can go along very peacefully for a very long time. "It is this Relation that de-mystifies the reason regarding why certain GUYS and GIRLS dont "click!", and why some couples can last so damn bloody long," Dr. Mai Luan Kio, Director of SamLabs, stated in his letter to ST Kinetics. The characteristics of CANINERS, as described by him, are communal, as CANINERS prefer being in groups. "Not withstanding that, CANINERS also are usually outspoken, but their inner-self can be explored by others with ease." Professor You Can Meow, assistant director of SamLabs, indicated to SAMedia when elaborating about the contents of the letter. "Unlike the CANINERS. " Prof. Meow continues, "the FELINERS are equally comfortable being in groups and in isolation, but they need more personal space that CANINERS can do with much less. Some FELINERS may be very outspoken, but their inner-self is, most of the time, hidden from others and it is not easy to get them to reveal this inner-self." From the presentation made at the press conference, SAMedia learned that 80% of the population are CANINERS and that this HFC Relation is derived based upon the observation of the habits and nature of CATS and DOGS and relating it to GUYS and GIRLS. It is a known fact that DOGS are usually seen in packs or groups, while CATS are often found wandering alone and isolated from other CATS. From this fact alone, Prof. Chan successfully drew the HFC Relation and used it effectively to explain that the probability of cliquing well between couples aged 15-35 depends largely on it. Both SamLabs and ST refused to further clarify how it was derived, but it seems that this HFC Relation is proving to be exceeding accurate when ST conducted a survey on some 20,000 students, undergrads, executives and professionals and determined that their preferences match how well they "click!" with their peers. "This is damn fucking chun!" exclaims 302 Ah Kua Ji. "I've never come across any other theory that is so chun before!" His excitement can be comprehended, becos of the 20,000 people surveyed, 53.45% of the CANINERS determined their best buds to be fellow CANINERS while the remaining 46.55% swore by their tails that their best buds are CAT-lovers. However, most of them indicated that they're equally miscible with either one. Similarly for their longest-lasting soulmate, CANINERS polled to be 66.29% having a CANINE-CANINE match while the remaining 33.71% did equally well with their FELINE counterparts. The results for FELINERS are more extreme, with 99.98% of the FELINERS discovering that their longest-lasting soulmate is also a FELINER and 99.56% of their best buds are also FELINERS. This shows that the FELINER-FELINER match has the potential to last VERY LONG and in fact does so in the majority of the cases examined here. Dr Mai indicates that "CANINERS can clique very well with both CANINERS and FELINERS, but it is the FELINER that can clique even better within themselves than fellow CANINERS." This could mean a particular disadvantage to CANINERS as such similarly strong bonds are not as easily formed within themselves than among FELINERS. Dr Mai adds that, "although the CANINE-CANINE match can last, it is often affected by other CANINERS that come in the way, unlike FELINERS, when satisfactorily matched wif a fellow FELINE, is 95.62% of the time un-affected by the presence of other FELINES or CANINES." When asked how this HFC Relation can help mankind, Prof. You simply remarked that "by asking ur partner whether he/she is a CAT/DOG lover, u can tell easily how well u will clique with this person, how close u two will ultimately get and how long u can possibly last." The failures of many CANINE-FELINE relationships, as Prof You claims to be, can be attributed to the fact that the FELINER is being over-exposed to communal lifestyle and is not getting sufficient isolation time for himself/ herself. Although this fact has yet to be firmly established, there are positive signs of this fact being rightfully true as some couples with a CANINE-FELINE component, after devoting some personal time to the FELINER, has experienced a surge in relationship commitment and rejuvenation. "If this can be verified, SamLabs and SamHub Technologies will soon be making another great contribution to mankind," Mr. SAMUEL CHAN, President and Founder of SamHub Inc., declared. SAMedia will petition for the addition of this question "ARE YOU A CANINER OR FELINER?" to all future interviews of famous personalities, so that everyone will be able to make their choice wisely, once again. "With so much that SamHub Technologies has to offer, such as the FISH-PRAWN Relation, the Probability of Breakup Equation, and now the HOMOFELINOCANINE Relation, how can one still possibly make a wrong choice when choosing a partner or soulmate?" Dr. LaM PaH cHeE, associate professor for the BURT (Break- Up Research Team), commented. "People nowadays are spoilt for choice!" SAMedia has stationed itself off SPCA in speculation that people might start coming in packs to adopt a CAT or DOG to observe the HFC Relation themselves. Just be careful not to step on a CAT'S tail.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 250304