The end of the beginning of this everlasting debate about whether "SINGAPOREANS NOWADAYS SHOULD MARRY AND MAKE BABIES AT A YOUNGER AGE" is finally exposing itself bare. SAMedia has discovered that amid rising DIVORCE rates, courting couples are really taking their own SWEET time to TIE THE KNOT, resulting in late MARRIAGES and few childbearing chances. Dr Lan Bo Lat, Associate Professor of the WMLRT (Why Marry Late Research Team) remarked that "with the exponential increase in expenses and standard of living in SINGAPORE, u can be 95.236 ­­± 0.01% sure that 65.123 ± 0.02% of couples below the age of 25 will not register for MARRIAGE." Dr Lan indicated that having KIDS at a later age may seem prudent at first until much later when, according to wat he asserts to be, a "clash of hormones" occurs, where the onset of ur very own MENOPAUSE clashes violently with ur KID's PUBERTY. "It would be disastrous, if not fatal, to have two or more emotionally unstable people living together under one roof." Dr Lan's assertion regarding the "clash of hormones" has been clinically proven correct by Dr Shen Hai Zi, whose underlying research focus mainly on this issue. Dr Shen notes that the current generation of SINGAPOREANS have little or no chance of seeing their GREAT-GRANDKIDS as they all MARRY LATE. In her recent paper Dr Shen states that "if ur GRANDKIDs were to follow in ur KID's footsteps (who, incidentally followed YOUR footsteps) and MARRY LATE, den u might not live to see ur GREAT-GRANDKIDs." She estimates that couples who MARRY LATE tend to conceive around the age of 35 and will manage to make no more than 2 KIDs before expiring. "This is because the GUY's dick has begun to collect its CPF and his SPERMS have lost their STAMINA and SURVIVABILITY that was once their GLORY 15 yrs ago," Dr. Shen claims. "It's all the CHENG WOO's fault. They've made everything so expensive that the expenses incurred for raising KIDS can no longer break even with the potential for them to pay out worthy and profitable dividends in the future." Her comment has gained tremendous support among many SINGAPOREANS as all begin to point their finger towards the CHENG WOO for all these unforseen circumstances that are only beginning to see light now. "See lah, all the GARMEN fault," exclaimed Mrs Jin Kiang Xni, mother of 5 chubby KIDs. "They loh, say wat dun make more than 3 lah, SINGAPORE no place to store all the excess KIDS. After the 3rd one dun wan to give EDUSAVE somemore. Now u see lah, regret liao lah, not enuff KIDS to fill SINGAPORE liao loh!" She proudly tells SAMedia that she has intentionally gone against the CHENG WOO's policy and is glad that she has fulfilled her duty. "The dunno-which-minister that day just say rite? SINGAPOREANS less and less liao, now all FILIPEENO, BHANGRA, and CHEENA PR. Super declining birthrate." To be very sure that SINGAPORE is experiencing a crisis in its declining population, SAMedia calculated the minimum number of KIDS every couple must produce to maintain the population level. It is tantalising to re-discover that the CHENG WOO's very own "Two is enough" policy has once again misfired in all directions and by now is causing severe fatalities. "The minimum number of KIDS per couple must make is 2.2 (I'm not making up this number, it's a FACT) and the CHENG WOO only encourages two. That's 0.2 KIDS per couple lower than the required minimum," says Dr. Jin Juay Kia, Director of the PFMO (PLEASE FUCK MORE OFTEN). "Considering that most SINGAPOREANS refuse to 1. get MARRIED 2. have KIDS 3. have MORE KIDS, it is virtually impossible for the CHENG WOO to halt the declining birth rate." PFMO researchers have singled out MONEY as being the main culprit and TIME as the assistant. Dr. Jin reinforces his team's conclusions by quoting recent media reports about the CHENG WOO whining over the ever low birth rates and unsuccessfully pleading stubborn SINGAPOREANS to fuck more often. "Last time pple make so many KIDS, now all of them going to become old liao, nobody to take care of them, so POOR THING," Mr Wah Lao Liao, 62, a retired civil servant, said. "LIMPEH maybe die in my FLAT also nobody know ah.... sigh.... " Great Venerable Lao He Shang of the Leumas Temple at GOR BEH LOR lamented that it is an abomination not to make KIDS. Venerable Lao says, "gfE$^jyy @SFGbba51 @$#qwe ..0mna%& +fev ewbr jnua3434, agn8ua husq 5hs## ~!CSFg FB." SAMedia was totally lost here until his disciple Bo Jiak Zhay translated the old Venerable's words. "My Master says that it is a great SIN to break the natural cycle of mankind. Each person's utmost duty here on earth is to ensure the survival of his own species." Young monk Bo added, "Whoever breaks this sacred cycle would be going against Heaven's wishes and He will be punished during reincarnation. Heaven gave each of us a PENIS or a VAGINA for a purpose, and it is a SIN not to materialise them fully." While many SINGAPOREANS are already deeply sunk in SIN (as prophesised by Venerable Lao), a certain grp of young SINGAPOREANS are showing positive signs of going against trend. They have formed the SAS (SHOTGUN ASSOCIATION of SINGAPORE) to encourage young SINGAPOREANS to MARRY and make KIDS early. Mr Bo Sio Sim, Founding Member and Acting President of the SAS, gives SAMedia an insight to why making KIDS early is a wise choice. Mr Bo says: "Young SINGAPOREANS are best at aiding the CHENG WOO in tackling the declining birthrate because the urge and the hormones are most POWERFUL at this time. Did u notice anything special about the IPPT (NAPFA) passing standards? It rises continually from the age of 12 all the way to 18 before hentak-kaki-ing at 19 and then decreasing after 20. This transalates to the human body being at its PEAK or FITTEST at the age of 18 and 19." A quick reference made to the IPPT page on the spot gives credence to Mr. Bo's claims. "So why choose to make babies at 35?" Mr Bo retorted. "Age 35 is already CAT Z for IPPT liao loh!" The SAS Executive Committee, in assuming that the HEALTHIEST babies are made when the GIRL is at her FITTEST, is radically campaigning for support to its cause. "The GAHMEN dun wan unfit babies also mah rite?" Ms Wah Wu Liao, Chief Spokeswoman for the SAS revealed. "Take a good look at the KIDS now in primary school. WALAO! SO FAT! Unhealthy leh!" According to Ms Wah, the link between unfit fat KIDS born to old parents and fit KIDS to young parents is clearly seen here. The higher incidence of OBESITY in the majority of the current batch of primary school KIDS can be entirely attributed to the parents. Novice Researcher Mr Pui Bo Ho of the PFMO quoted the point from Dr Shen of the WMLRT that "becos old couples are unable to conceive more KIDS, they naturally feed their only KID with everything they have planned and saved for 2 or 3." He also highlights that making KIDS early is the only way to ensure that u can live to see ur GREAT-GRANDKIDS. "If ur lucky u might even get to meet ur GREAT-GREAT-GRANDKIDS." Mr Pui remarked. This turns out to be no surprise as most SINGAPOREANS have already stopped working like bulls and horses (cho gu cho beh) and can all expect to witness the rise in life expectancy of the average person. SAMedia is already en route to the REGISTRY of MARRIAGES in speculation that there would be a surge in the number of SHOTGUNS after this article is published. Don't be all too surprised when the good old times of ur uncle or aunt being younger than u comes back to reminisence.

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 130304