In response to the bulletin posted by GRACE on February 4, 2004 9:09 PM (friendster time), titled "DOES SINGLEHOOD MEAN A LOT TO U?", SAMedia Publications hurriedly went around Jurong Island and interviewed some pple in an effort to understand what exactly VALENTINE'S DAY mean to them. SAMedia understands that with every fucking little thing getting more expensive as THE DAY draws nearer, the puny hole in GUY'S pockets mysteriously grows bigger and bigger and bigger until it finally engulfs the entire pair of pants, fulfilling the prophecy of Mr. LaM PaH cHeE, who phrased it as "no $ until take out pants and sell backside". It appears to be no irony that THE DAY arrives just 04 x days after the GUY gets his monthly allowance from the shitjob contractor (read: SAF) and has to spend [almost] all of it for THE DAY itself. Among those we interviewed said that the killer item was the FLOWERS, like how CPL Liak Bo Giu commented that "BOMBS are cheaper than FLOWERS during this period, so we shd all step up our security in case that bloody osama might just try something funny." SAMedia discovered that CPL Liak has started growing roses in his backyard since last yr so that he could beat the price hike during this period. "Learn my lesson liao, this time i smart liao, grow my own FLOWER, den no need to buy, save $, got excess still can sell somemore," CPL Liak added proudly. However, of the other 20 that we interviewed, most of them agreed that FLOWERS are a sign of SINCERITY and no attempt should be made to obtain them any earlier than THE DAY itself, lest they lose their freshness. "It's all about SINCERITY," says Bo Sang Huay, 19. "its not the same if u buy one week earlier den put in the refrigerator." Mr. Bo also advises that, "if u think FLOWER expensive then dun give lah!" Unfortunately, most GUYS are trapped in between here, becos they cannot dun give, and they cannot afford the freshest. so how? "grow your own loh," like wat CPL Liak says. "definitely fresher, and cheaper. Best! or u can order from me, call LIAK BACKYARD FLOWERS @ 9*******." Some have even resorted to buying fake plastic FLOWERS. Jin Jiak Pee, 16, says, "plastic FLOWERS are better, they dun wilt, can keep permanently." His brother, Jin Jiak Pia, 18, remarked,"plastic one must careful lah, dun put near window everyday otherwise the sun shine in then will lak seh." Sadly, it appears that the FLOWERS are not the only issue causing migranes to these poor GUYS. "still must book the lestawlern (we presume he meant 'restaurant'), pay for the makan, cab fare, etc etc etc." Mr. Ho Seh Bo, 25, claims. "alot of $ leh, sibeh chor ah..." In retaliation to wat the GUYS are complaining about, Ms Lee Lao Bu, First Lady of the DCIVD (Don't Complain, It's VALENTINE'S DAY) released a press statement detailing the seven main pointers to having an enjoyable VALENTINE'S DAY. SAMedia has managed to obtain a copy of the press release, and here are the excerpts of the seven main points: 1. There is no rule stating that FLOWERS are compulsory during VALENTINE'S DAY 2. There is no rule stating that GUYS are obliged to pay for all expenses during VALENTINE'S DAY. 3. There is no rule stating that u can only give the freshest FLOWER to the GIRL on VALENTINE'S DAY 4. There is no rule stating that u must spend ur entire shitjob allowance during VALENTINE'S DAY 5. There is no rule stating that u must patronise posh restaurants during VALENTINE'S DAY 6. Aid our nation's economic recovery; spending a little more during VALENTINE'S DAY does help the economy pick up faster 7. FLOWERS grown in the backyard are accepted, as long as they look like FLOWERS and not dao geh. This press release has, however, incurred the wrath of several feminist societies, namely, the GIQS (GIRL Is Queen Society), the FSS (Feminist Society of Singapore), and the GIPAS (Girl Is Princess Association of Singapore). The 3 feministic societies have long maintained their stand that GIRLS should be treated like queens or princesses during VALENTINE'S DAY, and are not willing to negotiate. Ms Kio Wah Ong, secretary-general of the GIPAS says that," The GUYS only treat the GIRLS like princesses on this one day only, why cant the GUYS give in to us on this day?" Her point is well-accepted within the female community and GIQS members are organising a sit-in protest on VALENTINE'S DAY itself for GIRLS whose partners refuse to foot the entire bill on their behalf. "In this way, the GIRL will not be disadvantaged in anyway," claims Ms Kio. "We already have to suffer nine months carrying the BABY for the GUY. This shd just be one of the many ways they return us the favour." Ultimately, while the GUYS and GIRLS slug it out this VALENTINES', the ones having the last laugh are the boys and girls who are SINGLE. The onlookers of this firefight, mainly the GUYS, hide their smile, while looking at the GIRLS, silently vowing never to be dragged into this hopeless eternal conflict that plagues every adolescent kid. Time to grow up!

--extracted from The SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications, dated 070204