Becos of this stupid slow idiotic friendster thingy, everyone who reads this will be inclined to say, "SINGAPORE is damn small lah! I also dunno his fren is my fren’s fren and her dog happens to be my cat’s 1st boyfren!" (dun deny it, YOU did say that at some point to someone) And so it has been proven that SINGAPORE is so goddamn small again, as Dr. Wah Bo Lui of the B.U.R.T. says. "Not very big lah... if everyone in INDONESIA piss den SINGAPORE will be flooded. Or if everyone in CHINA shits and SINGAPORE will be buried under 100m of shit." Or so they say. But is SINGAPORE really that small? 3SG Lee Buay Kan, whose GIRL is safe in his hands [becos the ORD-personnel in her course are sparse and spastic, remember?] says, "ur arse lah, u think SINGAPORE very small issit? Try doing ops duty in JURONG ISLAND lah! sit on bus until ur arsehole grow flower ah!" His sorrow is shared by many of the sai kang warriors (nsf) currently serving time in PULAU TEKONG and SUNGEI GEDONG, as well as the GIRLS studying in NTU. "SINGAPORE where got small?? Try navex in LIM CHU KANG lah! Walk until u die also haben find checkpoint ah!" says LCP Lan Jiao Peng. "the CHENG WOO bluff us lah, they say SINGAPORE very small no land, but LIM CHU KANG and MANDAI there so many trees, where got no land?" his reasoning is however, rebutted by 2LT Kar Kar Cheong. In his well presented thesis, he states that, "sai kang warriors who have yet to go to ROC do not actually realise the relative small size of SINGAPORE" (Kar,2003). When asked to comment on 2LT Kar’s thesis, his professor, Dr. Lam Pah Chee said, "Everything is relative right? if i were to compare my dick with yours, mine will certainly be bigger without doubt." He was quoting from wat Dr. Albert Einstein had concluded many years ago. Not surprisingly, Mr Kah Nee Nah of the IFR puts forward a different perspective. He agrees with everyone in that SINGAPORE is goddamn small and that friendster is goddamn slow, but his team has shown that it is the VELOCITY at which we all travel that affects the psychological image projected by our mind. Ms Bo Beh Zao, team leader of the SSRT (Small Singapore Research Team) proudly presents her results: "the average speed of the travelling singpaorean is 23.165243 km/h, which means that in one hour u will cover 23km, 165m, 24cm and 3mm, but this is calculated by neglecting the presence of all built up area and rivers and obstacles and all the bloody irritating ang-chnee huays (traffic lights) that the GOVERNMENT has erected throughout the island. Hence by travelling at 23.165243km/h, everyone in SINGAPORE will feel that SINGAPORE is damn small, because that speed is damn slow." SAMedia has conducted a test to verify Ms Bo’s assertions, and found that true enough, the average speed of the travelling singaporean is indeed 23.165243km/h. SAMedia also discovered that the fallacy about SINGAPORE being so damn bloody small can be attributed to the fact that roads in SINGAPORE meander worse than the spaghetti in my pasta and that singaporeans are hopeless navigators. This probably sums up that we should all start to call for the TAXI(s) to chauffeur us to our destinations so that we all can contribute our part towards strengthening the economy. Or we can sit back relax and wait for the CHENG WOO to construct an unmanned train service to bring me to JURONG ISLAND straight from my house.

-- extracted from SamHub Times, SAMedia Publications. dated 280104